Thursday, July 19, 2007

reaching towards life.....

I really don't blog much, obviously, since it's been since March that I put out an entry. I suppose blogging makes me feel self absorbed. Apparently I am feeling that way today because this is going to be about me, the little science project.

So, my most recent claim to fame is having my personal health story published in a super model's raw food book. Yes, it is/was exciting to me. Carol Alt is a wonderful mentor and her writer, David Roth, has become a dear friend. A beautiful experience, there's no doubt about it.

The irony has happened recently. Life came at me. I became weary of being "different" and of constantly having to explain to people why and what I ate......why does anybody care anyway? At the high point of my life as a raw foodist, I was in perfect health, slender, humming with boundless energy and filled with an unstoppable enthusiasm for life in general. How could I have possibly gotten tired of that??? How was it that I slid back into the very patterns that threatened the core of my health just over two years ago? How did I go from being an inspiration to a lemming to the sea, again?

At my last weigh in, I topped my husband by five pounds. For over three weeks I have been run down, diagnosed with pneumonia (who gets that in July?) and I think I have fractured a rib and seriously considered a package of Depends from coughing so much. I have been prescribed an antibiotic, an inhaler, a nasal inhaler and some hard core cough syrup. I have taken it all but I still sound like I have been smoking a carton of Camel No-filters. I go to the health food store......woman asks when my baby is due. I crumble on the inside. "I'm not fucking pregnant, I am just a basic under-nourished glutton, lady! What's it to you?" That's what I felt like screaming but I just smiled and told her I was bloated. WOW....she made both of our days....HAhhahhhahahah.....I need oxygen, I need a colonic, I need to starve myself, I need to die right now here in the middle of Wild Oats!

Every woman likes to beat the hell out of herself from time to time, right? Weight is great thing to agonize over. I mean babies are dying and abused all over the world, we've got soldiers getting blown to pieces everyday in Iraq and I am whining about my fat ass?? Something just ain't right.

So, I have decided that I would throw all of this out into cyber space. Why not? I guess I could use a little support right now.

Since Monday (oh God, that was only yesterday), I am back to my raw food goddess ways. Not surprisingly, I have already noticed that the mucous is nearly gone. My attitude has lightened and I suddenly feel hopeful again. I don't believe diet is the answer to everything....I am not religious about this....I just want to be my true self again. I believe that our bodies need living enzymes in foods to help heal our old, worn out tired selves. I believe that eating fresh, ripe, organic and locally grown foods is a gift to ourselves and our planet. I believe that nourishing ourselves with the love of friendships, family and our animals heals our hearts. I believe that giving instead of taking once in awhile goes a really long way. I believe that the good Lord gave us some righteous common sense and it glorifies Him when we actually use it.

If you have read this are with me now, you realize this don't you?? I am going to be charting my progress as I move forward. I'll record my stats and some of my great meals in case anybody wants to know. It'll be fun, right? A great science project to see if I can get my raw mojo back. Say a little prayer for me, won't you?